Where can I turn for peace?

Yesterday, most of our children were able to come and visit us in the ICU. It’s been quite a while since the young ones were able to come. They made an exception and we were all able to be together for an hour. He had a feeding tube, oxygen mask, lots of I.V. lines, and leg huggers (which intermittently squeezes his legs so he doesn’t get blood clots). He was able to talk a little and tell each one of them he loves and misses them.

Just after our beautiful visit, things started going down hill. His respirations were 60-65 per minute (normal is 20), he started coughing up blood (coming from his lungs) and after so many hours, they soon realized his body couldn’t continue doing this on its own. So they had to intubate him again and put the breathing tube down his throat and put him back on a ventilator. We were only off it for 1 ½ days. But this time he realized he truly needed the help, so it was ok.

So this morning when I walked in he said, (or he wrote on a paper because he can’t talk) “What are my goals for today?” I told him the first goal should be to give me at least 10 hugs and kisses. When I hug him he tips his head next to mine to give me a hug. I love it! He can squeeze my hand when I hold his. One squeeze means a certain thing, two squeezes another, etc. Van and I are the only ones that know the code.

His sister came today so I was able to go to church downstairs in the hospital branch. I have never felt such love from complete strangers in my life. Of course, they were only strangers the first Sunday, now they are all my friends and I look forward to seeing them each week. Many couples are called to be missionaries at the LDS Hospital and they visit the sick many times during the week. Then they all attend Sacrament Meeting from 10:30-11:00 and then Priesthood/Relief Society from 11:00-11:30 along with any faculty, visitors or patients. Today we sang Van’s favorite song, “Where can I turn for peace?” It applies to so many times in our lives.


1. Where can I turn for peace?
Where is my solace
When other sources cease to make me whole?
When with a wounded heart, anger, or malice,
I draw myself apart,
Searching my soul?


2. Where, when my aching grows,
Where, when I languish,
Where, in my need to know, where can I run?
Where is the quiet hand to calm my anguish?
Who, who can understand?
He, only One.


3. He answers privately,
Reaches my reaching
In my Gethsemane, Savior and Friend.
Gentle the peace he finds for my beseeching.
Constant he is and kind,
Love without end.


Today, he wasn’t able to partake of the sacrament (because of the tube down his throat) and when I asked if they could give him a spiritual thought they said, “We can read the prayers to him”. My heart was so full as they read those prayers. Prayers are answered, God lives, He knows us and our afflictions and brings peace to our souls.